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Sunday, 8 January 2017

Remembering God when life isn't all doom & gloom!

Remembering God when life isn't all doom & gloom!

Why hello there -  I seem to be writing here very infrequently these days... in fact I couldn't even remember the email address to sign into the account - that's how long it has been. To be honest it's kind of a reflection & example of what I'm going to write about in this entry.

Before I get into that though... here's a whistle tour of life since I left Mercy & wrote my last entry. Since then I got hitched to THE MOST WONDERFUL MAN IN THE WORLD, left a job that made me miserable & found a job local to me in the mental health sector which I love, & I am due to give birth to a little girl in just 9 weeks.
I've also taken on fitness with a great deal of dedication, met some great new friends (some of whom are also expecting which will be some good companionship), found a new church in Newtownards called 'Thriving Life Church', & we've been on a few trips over the water.

So many amazing things have happened to us in the past year (of course amongst the not so amazing things that life throws), & I really am so grateful to God for how He has moved in our lives & how He has brought Jono & I so far from the people we were when we had our first date two & a half years ago - seriously, we were both for very different reasons... a total mess. There was a lot of baggage in that one relationship... but not so much anymore. That deserves an 'Amen'.

We've noticed loads of little differences from how different meal times & social occasions are for us now (like we actually go out to eat, & even have meals with other people!!!), to how we deal with unexpected challenges with much more level headedness than ever before, & to how for me, I am much less reliant on other people - it no longer scares me to face a hard day without someone holding my hand. I am a much less desperate & needy person, & Jono is much more prepared to share when he is not okay.
A happy medium I think is what you call it.
And the change is hard to deny.

What we have found a challenge though over the past year particularly, might be surprising. We have actually found it hard to recognise God & His voice & presence, when things are going well.
We can each genuinely say 'It is well with my soul'... so shouldn't this bring us closer & closer to our God through our thankfulness & joy, & all the great emotions that come with a life that is healthy & full of love?
But honestly... it's not happened that way.
I think I can speak for both Jono & I when I say that we have to be so much more intentional these days about including God in our day to day walk than we ever did when things were in the gutter & seemed totally hopeless. It seems God felt much closer to us when we were at our most desperate & when we thought that these days of dancing & beauty He promised in return for our mourning & ashes, would never come.
I could make excuses & say 'well the Bible does tell us that Jesus came for the sick, perhaps now as a couple who are much more healthy & content, maybe we don't need Him so much?' But clearly I would be completely wrong.
Like seriously, we are about to enter parenthood... WE NEED HIM.

What it really boils down to is that I kind of forget some days that God is there. GASP!!
It's very easy when you work or intern for a church, or when you are sitting in Mercy ministries, to set aside time for God & include Him in your life... because let's face it... that's the whole focus of everyday. It's easier to remember when your life is hopeless & no one else seems to be able to help, that turning to God might be a good idea.
Real life for us now isn't church work, isn't constant desperation, & certainly isn't Mercy life... it's just ordinary everyday stuff.
We often forget that our Heavenly Father wants to be involved in the day to day mundane things with us as well as the big decisions we face, even if they aren't gloomy in the pit kind of decisions. When we were completely ruled by brokenness, Jono & I were constantly on our knees pleading with God to help us, seeking guidance & vision & a way to move forward with our lives. But now that so much healing has occurred in our lives, we sometimes forget the one who made it all happen.
We forget when we are freaking out about being parents & adjusting to a life with our precious little girl, that we have a Father who will walk us through it & who we can trust at all times.
We forget to hand over to Him our difficulties in friendships, family relationships, or even our own little quarrels (although so far we've been very lucky on this front; no raised voices thus far!).
We sometimes forget to ask Him what He has in store for us when we wake up in the morning. And when big decisions come our way, our default is to overthink it until our heads are fried & then finally we might remember that we will not find a solution until we include the most important person in our marriage - our God.

That's where we are at the minute. It's not dramatic or Oscar worthy, but it's our lives in this season, & one thing is for sure... God IS interested & wants to be a part of it.
So we are trying to be more intentional about including God in all the good stuff. Not just when disappointment or trials hit us, but in the most exciting moments & the ordinary too.
The day our little girl arrives in our arms, we will not forget the one who delivered her too us. We will remember in that moment that the little life we get to love so much, is His child first & foremost. We simply get the privilege of being her earthly parents, & so each decision we make for & with her, much firstly be made with her God.


Wish us luck.
Hopefully it'll not be so long next time.
Becky X

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